Funny Quotes/Tips

• The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

• After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

• I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months -I don't like to interrupt her.

• Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

• A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

• A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and scare me half to death."

• How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry and cleaning done free.

• A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.     

• Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.

• What's the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Out-laws are wanted! 

• A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

• Marriage  is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering

• Love is grand.........Divorce is a hundred grand

• It's a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married

• My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

• When arguing, you have a choice. You can be right, or you can be happy